This video is courtesy of Drew Taylor.

Enjoy!

Weary of wandering from my God,
And now made willing to return
I hear and bow me to the rod
For thee, not without hope, I mourn:
I have an Advocate above
A Friend before the throne of Love

O Jesus, full of truth and grace
More full of grace than I of sin
Yet once again I seek Thy face:
Open Thine arms and take me in
And freely my backslidings heal
And love the faithless sinner still

Thou know’st the way to bring me back
My fallen spirit to restore
O for Thy truth and mercy’s sake
Forgive and bid me sin no more
The ruins of my soul repair
And make my heart a house of prayer

The stone to flesh, again convert
The veil of sin again remove
Sprinkle Thy blood upon my heart
And melt it with Thy dying love
This rebel heart by love subdue
And make it soft, and make it new

Give to mine eyes refreshing tears
And kindle my relentings new
Fill my whole soul with filial fears
To Thy sweet yoke my spirit bow
Bend by Thy grace, O bend or break
The iron sinew in my neck!

Ah! Give me, Lord, the tender heart
That trembles at the approach of sin
A godly fear of sin impart
Implant, and root it deep within
That I may dread Thy gracious power
And never dare to offend Thee more

This has been a crazy week for me, with work (I actually sold hot dogs at Magic Kingdom on Wednesday….that was an experience, let me tell ya), caregroup, group projects, reading to catch up on, Braves baseball to watch-basically just life in general.  I actually had a blog written, then my internet went all kerflooey and it was deleted.

Anyways, the Lord has been kind to provide me with monetary income, friends that encourage and challenge me, and intellectual stimulation.  So I am not complaining about the busyness, just filling you in.
However, I wanted to share with you a link to an article I found encouraging.  It’s an article that Carolyn McCulley wrote for Boundless and you can find it here. 

That’s right…it’s been all of 10 minutes and I’m posting again.

This time, just to provide you with a link to an article about Passion. I cringed, I laughed out loud, my respect for Piper grew, and I was reminded of my appreciation and overwhelming thankfulness for Sovereign Grace Ministries.

My favorite part:

“Audience screams went up in pitch when Beth Moore took the stage on the second day of Passion ‘07. No one who watches Moore teach ever forgets her.”

I can say with utmost certainty we would all agreement with this statement.

Imagine the following conversation:

Bob: Hi Jane. There is going to be an opportunity for ministry this week at a local homeless shelter. I was wondering if you would be interested in serving the Lord with us in this way.

Jane: Sure! I would love to serve in that way. I really have a heart for that particular ministry! The only thing is, I’m only available between the hours of 2 PM and 5 PM on Thursdays, because I have school and work and friends and the gym and errands and TV shows. So it better be during that time, otherwise, I won’t be able to. And, if there is any messy/yucky work that needs to be done, you’re going to have to get someone else to do that, because, well, you know, that really isn’t my forte. And, I’m really only going to be able to come if Rose comes too, because it just won’t be as much fun serving the Lord if Rose wasn’t there. Oh. And I hope it’s okay it I complain some of the time while we’re serving, because it’s going to be hard work, and I want people there to know how hard I’m working. And while we’re on the subject of complaining, know that if everything doesn’t go exactly the way that I have planned, you’ll probably hear some grumbling on my behalf. And I hope it’s okay if I pass out a bulletin at church this week letting everyone know that I’m giving up 3 hours of my time in order to serve in this way, because I want to make sure that everyone knows that I have the heart of a humble servant.

I don’t know about you, but if I were Bob, I think I’d tell Jane to take her three hours of available serving time and stick them…ahem…um yea, I mean, that I would tell Jane her service was no longer needed. At least, not THAT kind of service.

The Lord really did a number on my heart these past two days as far as serving is concerned. I was asked to serve in this one area, and the events that transpired since then have shone a spotlight on my ever selfish, ever sinful, and ever in need of a Savior heart.

Why do I only want to serve on MY terms? How is that my definition of serving has even come to have anything to do with me at all? Do I only serve so that other people will notice? Do I care more about the praises of man that the praises of God? And who ever said serving was all fun, all the time? Serving is about sacrifice, and denying of self, and dying to self. Will my motives for serving always be half God-glorifying and half Jenn-glorifying?

This past weekend, the topic of waiters was a hot one among some of my friends and I-for one, many of us have experience in the food industry, but also, we recently had a not so positive experience at Olive Garden. As I reflect back upon my time as a waitress, as a SERVER, I’m realizing some things. When I walk up to the table, to introduce myself and to take their order, no matter what kind of day I’m having, I put a smile on my face and try to come across friendly and kind, because their restaurant experience isn’t about MY current disposition, or MY preferences, or MY desires. It doesn’t matter that I’ve now pulled a double 3 days in a row, and I seem to permanently smell of food. It’s about their current need for something (food) and my current ability to help satisfy that need. I am at their beck and call, and if they need their sweet tea glass refilled 10 times in 2 hours, I’ll fill it with a smile on my face each and every time. Why? Because there is hopefully a reward at the end of the evening for me-a nice large tip.

How much more so should I serve outside of the restaurant world in this same way? First of all, we are called to serve one another. But secondly, there is also a reward for us, and an absolutely certain reward at that. There would be some tables, that no matter how impeccable my serving of them was, the tip that they would leave left much to be desired. But when it comes to service as a believer, I know that my Father will be glorified. I know that He will be pleased with my actions and with the glory He receives, and that I in turn, will somehow be blessed. I know what the end result is.

You may be reading this, and thinking “That’s all well and good Jenn, but here’s the thing. I’m busy! I go to school and I work and I’ve just got stuff to do. At the end of the day, it really just isn’t the right time for me to serve right now. It’s not my heart’s greatest desire.”

Well friend, the greatest servant of all, Jesus Christ, laid down His own desires to submit to His Father’s will. He prayed in the Garden, that if it were at all possible, the Father would take this cup, this death on a cross, away…that if it were at all possible God would make His glory known and His people redeemed in some other way. One of the desires of Christ’s heart was to have the cup removed-but it was not His ultimate desire. The utmost and foremost desire of Christ was that His Father’s will would be done, and in whatever way Christ was called to serve, He would serve joyfully, and humbly, and fully.

Praise God that Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, is always about doing His Father’s business, and is always about the glory of His Father. Praise God that He was a servant, doing that which was not the most fun, but that which He was called to do. Praise God that the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God, is living and breathing in me, because this means that there is hope for me! This means that I am being transformed into the image and likeness of Christ. I am being continually sanctified, and perhaps one day, I will say with my whole heart “I would LOVE to serve you in that way” and mean it fully and completely and to the glory of God.

Modesty. I’ve already said a lot about it. I think you can tell that it’s a subject about which I am passionate. But it doesn’t really matter what I have said. And it doesn’t really matter that I am passionate about it. What matters is what the word of God says. And it matters that God is passionate about it. He is passionate about purity of the heart, mind, body, and soul. He is passionate about the redeemed being continually conformed into the image of His perfect son, Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Scripture on modest apparel:

1 Timothy 2:9-10
likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness–with good works.

Titus 2:3-5
Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Scripture on causing others to stumble:

Mark 9:42
Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a great millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.

Luke 17:1-2
And he said to his disciples, “Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.

Scripture on the Glory of God:

1 Chronicles 16:29
Ascribe to the LORD the glory due his name;
bring an offering and come before him!
Worship the LORD in the splendor of holiness;

(Not in the splendor of beauty or the splendor of yourself, but the splendor of Holiness)

Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Isaiah 61:10

I will greatly rejoice in the LORD;
my soul shall exult in my God,
for he has clothed me with the garments of salvation;
he has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

Praise God! I love this Scripture! Marinate in this…you are adorned in robes of righteousness and garments of salvation. PRAISE YOUR GOD!!!

So these people like me….

They too don’t settle for ok sermons that are just mostly true doctrine. They too won’t settle for songs that mostly center on the cross. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of people who are passionate about theology. And there are plenty of people who are passion about worship. But Sovereign Grace is a rare mixture of the two. They are passionate about correct theology and biblical truths that are manifested in both the preaching and the worship. It is not an either/or thing, but a both/and thing.

The conference that I mentioned in my last post, well, it was a intellectually strenuous at times. You had to be constantly discerning. You could never just sit and take notes (except for one session). Many statements had to be carefully weighed and considered next to biblical truth. Many conversations happened after the fact discussing whether this lined up with Scripture, and whether this outline point could be upheld by Scripture. Many times a lyric from a song was brought up-as to whether it was God glorifying or man glorifying. We couldn’t just worship and learn. How I longed for a theological stress-free environment! Instead, it was a theological marathon.

But this marathon was good for many reasons. One, we all came away having grown in our discernment skills. Two, we all came away with a greater appreciate and love of Sovereign Grace. But most importantly, we all came away with a greater realization of the importance of NOT compromising where the Bible is concerned. We came away more in love with the absolute truths of Scripture and humbled by the pastors in our own lives that seek to make this occur in our churches.

I mentioned before that Sovereign Grace combines both correct theology and passionate worship. John Piper, of course, says it more eloquently than I:

“Singing and knowing. Rejoicing and reasoning. Delight and doctrine. That’s Sovereign Grace Ministries. it is so rare, and so needed…so Sing on, Sovereign Grace. And whatever you do, don’t stop studying and thinking and preaching about our great Savior.”

“God exists to be worshipped—to be admired and treasured and desired and praised. Therefore, the Word of God is written primarily to produce worship. This means that if that Word is handled like a hot-dish recipe or a repair manual, it is mishandled. And the people will suffer. The Truth of God begs to be handled with exultation. And our hearts yearn for this and need it. Something in us starts to die when precious and infinitely valuable realities are handled without feelings and words of wonder and exultation. That is, a church starts to die, without preaching.”

“So there are always two parts to true worship. We can say it in two pairs: there is seeing God and there is savoring God. You can’t separate these. You must see him to savor him. And if you don’t savor him when you see him, you insult him. Or another pair would be this: in worship there is always understanding with the mind and there is always feeling in the heart. Understanding must always be the foundation of feeling, or all we have is baseless emotionalism. But understanding of God that doesn’t give rise to feeling for God becomes mere intellectualism and deadness. This is why the Bible continually calls us to think and consider and meditate and remember on the one hand, and to rejoice and fear and mourn and delight and hope and be glad on the other hand. Both are essential for worship.”

But this isn’t just my opinion or John Piper’s opinion-that correct doctrine in our preaching and worship is vital. Paul says to Timothy in 2 Timothy 3:16-4:4

“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction,and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work. I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing, and his Kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. Fr the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths.”

Paul charges Timothy, and really, God charges us, with the importance of having sound teaching. The importance of both seeing and savoring Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit.

So those are some of the things I have learned and found in the last 730ish days. 1) That fear of man is the root of most of my sins which is easily manifested in pride, self-sufficiency, independence, and lieing. 2) It is so important to address possible issues in friendships in the moment. It saves so much time, heartache, and sin. Most importantly, it allows God to continue receiving His due glory from the friendship. 3) Theology doesn’t have to exist separate from Passion and vice versa. True doxology flows from a correct theology, and both are absolutely necessary in the believer’s life.

There weren’t too many people who thought like me. Especially not my age. Most people didn’t question the lyrics to the worship songs and the content of the sermons. But I was frustrated. I was confused. It did not seem like the church I was involved in matched with the church in Acts 2. But it wasn’t just my church, it was a lot of churches. We seemed to be more concerned with just getting people in the doors than we were with authentically discipling them. It seemed like the God of the Apostle Paul, Martin Luther, and Jonathan Edwards was a much more powerful and majestic God than my God. My God seemed to be small, almost pocket sized.

In youth group, we talked about how God wanted us to live a pure life-abstaining from drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. God wanted us to obey our parents joyfully and share the gospel and serve people across the world. But I felt like I had this pocket Jesus. A Jesus I could pull out at will when I needed help. A Jesus that I could grasp, and comprehend, and understand. A Jesus that was easy.

In the Sunday sermons, it seemed as if the things that were presented were packaged in this user friendly format. It seemed as if things were marketed up in order to attract the consumer-it seemed like a business. I can remember one sermon series entitled “10 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Sounds like a motivational series right? It was actually a series on the 10 commandments. It provoked me that we would switch the word ‘habit’ for ‘commandment.’ It was as if these were suggestions to follow if you wanted to be a good person, instead of laws that were given to the Israelites in order to show them their need for a Savior.

Also, I was so very frustrated by the songs we would sing. I was so very tired of singing about myself-what I was going to do, what I had done, what I wanted.

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what I long for

Faithfulness is what I need

Faithfulness, faithfulness is what

You want from me

or

Come, now is the time to worship

Come, now is the time to give your heart

Come, just as you are to worship

Come, just as you are before your God

Come

The above songs aren’t bad or sinful by any means. But they are man focused. And isn’t it always the time to worship? It feels like we are singing to each other, about ourselves. Instead we should sing to our Lord and Savior about Himself. I didn’t want to sing about me. I am dirty and unclean and wretched. I wanted to sing about God-who is perfect and holy and looks on me with love, when He used to look upon me as an object of wrath.

Also, I was tired of singing songs that were just “almost” biblically correct.

Crucified, laid behind a stone

You lived to die, rejected and alone

Like a rose, trampled on the ground

You took the fall and thought of me

Above all...

I know a lot of the frustration came from differences in doctrine. But I just didn’t think that Christ was thinking about me, above all, when He was upon the cross. I think He was thinking about His Father’s glory above all. I think He was thinking about what was being accomplished for the Kingdom above all.

You might be thinking I am crazy. You might be thinking that I am legalistic and over analyzing and over thinking. Trust me, my best friend thinks this about me often! (And it is something that I have to be cautious of. And I love her for cautioning me time and time again.)

But I look at it this way. If Susie has never been to my church before, and then comes one Sunday. Perhaps she is called to respond to the Gospel, which she does obediently by repenting and believing that day. Now, say the first song she sings as a believer says “You thought of me above all.” This causes her to think of HER importance. Of HER worth. Of HER good deeds.  It’s subtle, but trust me it’s there and it’s dangerous.  I think the achilles heel of Christianity today is the believer that thinks he or she is good and therefore DESERVES salvation. It’s a slippery theological path.

So all this mumble jumble to say that I was frustrated. And my friends at my church back home listened to me, and they understood what I was saying, but they thought I was over thinking. That I just needed to let it go, and not focus on the bad stuff, but rather the good stuff.

Recently, I myself questioned a friend on this. We were at an event where they were asking people to give money so that they could go take the gospel to unreached people. I didn’t feel so led at that moment because I don’t agree with everything they stand for. Then, for a minute, I thought maybe that was wrong. Maybe it was ok if it wasn’t 100% truth, so long as it was mostly truth. So I asked this friend if perhaps I should give. If perhaps it would be better for a watered down gospel to go out than for no gospel at all. And his response resonated in my heart, and confirmed what I had been thinking at first.
He said “Look at the Bible Jenn. What did Christ do? He didn’t present a watered down gospel. He presented absolute truth. Isn’t that the example we then should follow? Why settle for less than biblical truth?”

That, my friends, sums up the confusion in my heart before I got involved with Sovereign Grace. We should not settle for mediocre and almost absolute truth and only a tiny bit wrong. We are not called to settle! Christ does not want His church, His BRIDE to settle.
And it was 730ish days ago that the Lord led me to a group of churches where there were people like me….

…to be continued….

As I walked slowly out of room T005, I almost succumbed to tears. Tears of exaustion from having not slept well for 2 nights in fear & preparation of this exam. Tears of gratefulness that my exams were finally over. Tears of frustration that I did not fare any better on the exam. Almost tears.
Instead, I pulled myself together and walked over to the ivy covered bench. As I began to organize my bag of exam necessities, I pulled out my Ipod (an absolute vital instrument to my studying routine). I just wanted to put those little speakers in my ears and drown out the world. In God’s sovereign mercy & kindness, He knew just what song my weary heart needed in that moment-”Come for Me” by Charlie Hall.

As I listened to these words, my heart began to soar and I could no longer hold back the tears. But what would have previously been tears of despair, were now tears of longing. I had been looking forward more to the end of exams than I was to the coming of my King. I had been more fearful of doing poorly on my exams than I was of doing poorly in the service of my King. I had forgotten that today will pass…that my life is a vapor. But the Kindgdom of God shall reign forever and ever, and one day, He will come for me.

But today…today I am so tired. I desparately need His song to fill me and inspire me and lift me up on eagle’s wings.

And I ache for the day when there will be no more pain…no more fear…no more worries…no more tears…no more heartache. The day when Christ comes back and I can finally see the face of my Lord and Savior-He who chose me, He who died for me, He who loves me. To be able to worship Him face to face, with every ounce of my being. Even now, when I worship with all that I have and all that I am, there is still a part of me that is withheld from Him-a part that is dwelling on that which is of the world and that which will fade. I am brought to tears even as I write this just thinking about that day. THAT GLORIOUS DAY!!!

Perhaps you are also tired today. Maybe the holiday season has drained you of energy. Maybe you also are exausted at the end of another draining semester. Maybe work is just more than you can handle right now. Friend, I think that you, like me, have ceased living in light of THAT day. You are weary in this world because you have forgotten that this is not your home. We are just pilgrim’s, passing through.

My prayer for you is that the Lord would awaken a fresh stirring in your heart for the day when you “..will see his face.” (Rev. 22:4)

I can see the Lord’s sovereignty in so many things in my life.

I can see the Lord’s sovereignty in my parents divorce. Were they not to have gotten divorced, I would not have grown up both a Southern Baptist and a PCUSA denomination. If I hadn’t grown up in both of these churches, I would not have had the theological sampler plate that I did. This would have made my reformed-charismatic views of today much MUCH harder to come by.

I can see the Lord’s sovereignty in Joe and Tara Donato moving to Alachua once they got married. Had they not, I would not have ended up at First Baptist of High Springs my freshman year. Had they not, I would not have left High Springs when the youth pastor did. Had they not, I would not have ended up at Abundant Grace. I would not doing life with these blessed people. I would not be living with girls who are “heavenly sandpaper.”

I can see the Lord’s sovereignty in my friendships. The fact that Aimee Hill and I used to not like each other at all. And now, she is one of my best friends-as well as her whole family. And my friendship with Aimee led to my friendship with her brother Ryan as well as David Young. My late night conversations with these two guys led to so much theological growth on my part and the Lord used them in profound ways in my life.
The fact that Caitlin Faulk dated Keith Bogart who was best friends with James Barber who went to UF when I was in high school. This meant many trips up to UF and many opportunities to fall in love with Gainesville and to become desirous of going to school here.

All of these things have led me to where I am at…there is no possible way that these events are random happenings. There is no way that these are coincidences. These are the events of my life that have been sovereignly ordained by a sovereign God to give me the theological background I have, in the church that I am in, in the city in which I live-exactly where he wants me to be so that I may serve Him here.

But it is not just big things in my life that cause me to stand in awe at the sovereignty of God. I say this in all seriousness-I can see the sovereignty of God in Florida Gators football.

Stop Laughing! I’m serious! So many crazy things had to happen in order for the Gators to get to the National Championship. Let me explain:

1. The Florida Gators spent the first 3 weeks at number 7. After week 3, we jumped to number 5 because we beat Tennessee and # 2 Notre Dame lost to #11 Michigan.

2. Until week 7, the order of undefeated teams was: Ohio State, Auburn, USC, West Virginia, & Florida. At week 7, Florida beat LSU and jumped to #2. The same five teams were still undefeated and in the top five, the order was just a little changed.

3. At week 8, BCS Standings came out. Florida lost to Auburn 27-17 on the road. The other top 5 teams remained undefeated. There are now only 4 undefeated teams on the road to the National Championship and Florida is #6 in the BCS.

4. In week 10, the next undefeated team fell. USC lost to unranked Oregon State! Florida moves to #4 in the BCS. There are only 3 undefeated National Championship contending teams remaining.

5. Week 11 saw the beginning of the destruction of the Big East. West Virginia lost to Louisville. The Big East emphasis has now switched to either Louisville and Rutgers who are both still undefeated. Florida stays at #4. In front of us are undefeated Louisville now, and Michigan and Ohio State. Texas and Auburn both have one loss (Texas to Ohio State and Auburn to Arkansas).

6. In week 12, Texas loses to unranked Kansas State. Auburn lost to Georgia AT HOME! Louisville loses to Rutgers as the Big East continues to implode. Florida stays at #4.

7. In week 13, USC jumped to #3 and Ohio State and Michigan didn’t change. Florida stayed at #4.

8. In week 14, Michigan lost to Ohio State so they dropped to #3. USC moved to #2. Florida stayed at #4.

9. In week 15, USC famously lost to the UNRANKED Bruins!!! We beat Arkansas for the SEC Championship!

That my friends, is how the BCS (and AP rankings for the first 7 weeks). How did the Gators manage to win all their games?

1. In order to beat Tennessee, Florida came back from a 17-7 deficit at Tennessee.

2. In order to beat Alabama, Florida had to come back from a 10-0 deficit at the beginning of the 2nd quarter. Late in the second quarter, Christ Leak, the non-running Florida quarterback, ran for 45 yards down to the Alabama third yard line.

3. In order to beat LSU, Tim Tebow actually THREW his first 2 touchdown passes, and the UF defense racked up 3 interceptions, recovered 2 fumbles, and scored a safety. This is also the game with Tebow’s basketball style pump pass to Tate Casey.

4. In order to beat Vanderbilt, Christ Leak RAN (yes RAN) for 2 touchdowns and Florida blocked 2 punts. We also had a messed up snap and the holder threw to Tate Casey for a 2 point conversion.

5. In order to beat South Carolina, Jarvis Moss blocked a 48 yard field goal attempt. This was Moss’s 2nd blocked kick that night.

We didn’t have an easy Big 10 schedule. We had the toughest schedule in college football this season-I think all would agree to that. We didn’t beat every team by 20 points or more the way Ohio State did.
We often barely squeaked out a win. We often got “lucky” as other teams fell to unranked teams. I won’t argue with that. But I will argue with the statement that we just lucked ourselves into the National Championship. With all the mishaps and special team scoring and Christ Leak RUSHING and Tim Tebow stiff arming and all the other teams losing….it’s not a coincidence. In order for Florida to get to the National Championship, so many things had to just go right. So many things had to be sovereign.

It didn’t just happen. God ordained it. Why? Why us and not Michigan? Honestly, I think one reason is Billy Latsko. Billy and his family all go to my church here in Gainesville. Billy walked on to the team in 2002 and was awarded a scholarship in 2004. I think the Lord has heard the prayers of the Latsko family (and the Tebow family). I think that Lord is blessing these two young men and their team. I’m sure there are other reasons for it. But I would bet blessing Billy has a lot to do with it.

God is sovereign. Just look at the Gators journey to the BCS National Championship!